Holy shit. Work work work. I feel like I’ve been living at work. It’s a real bitch, because I have a lot of people who are important to me that are suddenly wagging behind this career. It’s a real pain, to be honest. But I’ll make time. Everyone that’s important to me deserves my time, even if I’m pressed for it. That’s something I can’t let slip back again. I can’t let people fall to the wayside, because they’ve really been there for me through some of the hardest shit I’ve had to go through. I won’t give up on the people who didn’t give up on me, dammit.

I’m officially settled into my promotion at work. Now begins the serious grind, ushering in the future of transportation for the world at large. It’s intimidating to get a piece of that pie. To have a reputation established as being a key player in the transition away from fossil fuels, well… I won’t flatter myself, really. I may be somewhat key, but there are a lot of key players in this. It truly takes a village, and in many ways it takes an entire planet. I need to figure out how to stay humble while acknowledging that the things I’m being involved in are huge. It’s daunting. But I’m going to run at it head first, because I can, and because I have to.

Man, I can’t even get into it right now. Just can’t. But I’m killing it. I’m just making enormous strides in life at the moment, and I feel really optimistic about the future. More than that, I feel like I can summon enough optimism to pull up those around me who need it most. There have been some serious tragedies and difficult times for people that I care about, and as much work and effort as I’ve been able to put into my own life has given me the strength I need to do for myself as well as lend to others who might need it.

Slowly but surely, I’m realizing that I’m important. I deserve to be happy. I deserve to have people in my life that care. I’m above begging for responses. I’m above begging for human decency. I’m above begging for clarity. I’m above begging for kindness and compassion. People that can’t offer those bare minimums can absolutely get the fuck out of my life and stay the fuck out of my life, they aren’t deserving of my time or attention. I already have so many people in my life that don’t make me beg for the bare minimums, but give me those bare minimums just because I’m worth being cared about. I care just as much about them, and for the first time in a long time I’m beginning to understand healthy relationships. This new year is going to be the best year, I’m going to do everything I can to ensure that it will be. I’m going to make the best life I can for myself, for my kids, and for my friends and family. I am loved, and I started with loving myself.

Today is a good day. Today is a new lease on life, a new start, a rebirth. Today is the day I begin taking back my own destiny. I’ve found myself with a ton of extra free time, and a friend of mine made a few suggestions that I think I’ll take. “Start prepping meals for the week. Start working out. Get a personal trainer. Work on yourself.” He’s not wrong. I’m too old to neglect my health. I’m not getting a personal trainer, that’s beyond my financial reach at the moment, but I have a fitness room I can access at my apartment complex. I can eat healther, I’m already dropping weight. I’m going to take control of my health, since I have time to take control of it. I’m also taking better care of my living environment. I’m picking up extra hours at work. All the while, I’m still able to treat my kids like the amazing little humans they are.