It took me a hot minute, but I finally recovered from a catastrophic SDCard failure. I had one of my Raspberry Pi’s die on me recently, and 90% of the time when they die that failure is of the SDCard. I had my primary ssh point of presence die recently, and it also acts as my Nextcloud instance as well. She took a magical shit with nothing on the SDCard being of value after the fact. So of course I had to obtain one that wasn’t dead, then flash it with an operating system that would be suitable enough to keep it limping along even further.

I think most of us realize this already, and a vast majority of us who realize this understand that it’s the exploitative nature of the “Q” lie that is specifically insidious. First and foremost it is a cope fabricated around lies that people want to be true. People who are comfortable supporting a fascist government predicated on the government being mostly in agreement with their core beliefs, these are the prime targets of QAnon, and the lowest hanging fruit. They’re the ones specifically targeted for the absolute train-wreck that is QAnon. These people feel listless without an authoritarian regime tightening the reigns on them. They want the boot on their neck, because the boot they want on their neck is the father they never had. I don’t really know, I’m guessing, I’m forever and always a “fuck the government” type no matter what. Fuck the government forever and always. That’s my motto. It’s my core belief structure.

I don’t care who you are, Black Mirror has an episode that’ll pique your interest. It’s an awesome series, though maybe a little depressing for some. I love the twists and turns, and I really love how technology is the “monkey’s paw” in nearly every story. It’s an awesome series, for sure. The latest season has definitely taken a hard left from the tried and true formula, though. It’s not that I’m disappointed, but I can definitely say that Black Mirror Season Six doesn’t feel like Black Mirror. It feels more like Twilight Zone than Black Mirror, and a part of that is because the latest season seems to have dodged the whole notion of a “Monkey’s Paw”. There are none this go round. In fact, it’s just straight up horror, and there isn’t a technological bent. I can’t exactly go into it without spoilers, but we’re talking classical monsters at this point, rather than the manmade ones.

I’ve read and watched a ton of content on movements like “Quiverfull” and “IBLP” and the rest of the lunatic factories that exist that tend to lean into raising incredibly sheltered children that aren’t at all aware of the enormous world around them. It’s absolutely disgusting and ridiculous to harm children so much by brainwashing them into buying this garbage “Jesus” shit and just ignore the real world around them that doesn’t fit into this narrow and moronic worldview.

I am grateful that I am allowed to be distracted by extraneous stimuli. I don’t sit inside myself and wallow in an endless cascade of self-pity.

I might overcompensate with that. I might do myself an injustice by removing my own needs or desires from an equation in order to “balance” things. On one hand, I want to go to sleep. On the other, sleeping all the time isn’t conducive to experiencing life. So I’ll sign up for something without regard to how much I’ll enjoy it solely to avoid inserting myself as a factor and just sleeping, or doomscrolling, or wasting time on vidya. It’s almost as though my self care is ignoring myself to an extent, and it has been a more than decent coping strategy that has actually made positive impact in my life. I have yet to balance it out in a healthy and meaningful way, but so far the negative has been minimal by comparison.

The first step in problem solving is understanding the problem you’re trying to solve. If you don’t understand the problem, you’re going to have an even more difficult time understanding the solution. It took me a long time to realize that depression is the reverse of what most people would consider normal emotion. If something undesirable happens to a person, especially something very undesirable, it can make that person sad. A loss, a death, all manner of tragedy can cause a person to feel sad. Depression is not a reaction to a situation. Depression is the lens through which you see life. Situations can cause sadness, and sadness can lead to depression, but for those who are chronically depressed it’s how you get to see the world. Things appear less than they are because of depression. It’s reactivity in reverse, and that can be a lot for a person to wrap their head around, especially if you’re not accustomed to it.

Some weeks are chock full of the same day. Like Groundhog’s Day, except time is actually passing. Going through the motions at work, all day, every day. Going through the motions with parenting. Going through the motions with my personal life. Neurotic friend is still neurotic. Nerdy friend is still nerdy. Party friend still wants to party. Novelty is not something the universe is willing to afford me on many levels, it seems.

I’ve given up the notion of running a proper blog and have supplanted that idea with a blog, one mainly existing to satisfy my need to put thought to paper. I know, it’s weird. A virtual journal is more appealing to me due to me being a geek. Also, it being public-facing doesn’t really bother me. I don’t feel as though I have to censor myself or steer my verbiage. I feel pretty free to express whatever thought comes to mind.