My mother is a toxic person. She has always been a toxic person, and I have a suspicion I know where it started. Her father, my grandfather, was an alcoholic. He demanded obeisance from all his children, he was to be revered and worshipped without question, and my mom didn’t appreciate that. She told me that he was stubborn and demanded “people kiss his ass” and that was why they no longer spoke to one another. It’s ironic, really, that she ever told me that. The apple truly didn’t fall far from the tree. Honestly I was probably at risk for repeating those behaviors if I hadn’t been both incredibly aware of them and unwilling to put my children through that. My relationship with my children will always be one of reciprocity. If I hurt their feelings, I will listen, I will try to understand, and I will try to not continue to hurt their feelings. My mother demands that I be available to her, that I show up as often as I can, and in return I get nothing. She doesn’t invite me to go on vacations, that’s reserved for my ex wife. She won’t invite me to celebrations she has, she won’t invite me to anything. She just demands I be available for it. I’m done. I want nothing to do with my mother anymore. I won’t be available, I am not her pet. She won’t stroke her ego with my broken heart any longer.

I’m sorry, this is going to be an emotional vent post. I have a lot going on right now and I need to let at least some of it out. First and foremost, my mother has utterly abandoned me as a person. When I asked her why, she gave me some stupid bullshit excuse about how our family “does right by exes; for the kids!” Except it’s a fucking lie, because my mom is toxic and awful. I can no longer have anything to do with her as a person on any level. Trying to reconnect with her for what feels like the millionth time now has absolutely gone nowhere. She’s as hateful and stubborn as ever.

I need to purge my entire life of Google. I sorely need this. The immediacy of this need is absurd. I really despise the entire economy surrounding the internet at large. It’s disgusting. At some point we’re going to come to a revelation that these “services” offered by data brokers are incredibly immoral and unethical. Someone’s going to die eventually. Just wait and see. All it’s going to take is one abusive husband who wants absolute control to buy information from a data broker in order to find the wife trying to run away from him. It’s only a hypothetical now because it hasn’t been done yet, but it’s in the works. Just watch.

Click “Read more…” for teh memez.

SPOILER WARNING: Spoilers ahead! Close immediately if you haven’t seen the movie or read the book.

I’ve never read the book before seeing Wes Anderson’s film adaptation. I want to go back and read it now, though. I feel a connection to the material that makes it feel as though I understand what Roald Dahl was trying to express. It feels as though he was desperately trying to express a wisdom he had learned in life that he thought was very important and worth sharing. After watching the movie, I have to say that I agree.